E-Ump, E-Replay, E-League

What do you call it when everyone gets every possible decision wrong? A grand slam? Taking the collar? E-ump, E-replay, E-league?

That's the dumpster fire that was Chase Utley's leg-breaking slide into Ruben Tejada at second base in Game 2 of the Mets-Dodgers series.

In case you snuck out of the country for a week to a place without a connection to the rest of the world - let's say you were enjoying North Korea's independence celebrations with that nation's inmates -- here's the rundown: With runners on first and third and one out, Utley slid well wide of second on a grounder behind the bag to bust up a double play.

Under any reading of the rules, the slide was illegal. He wasn't aiming for the base but for the fielder and never came in contact with the bag. He should have been ruled out for interference, irrespective of Tejada's broken fibula.

It was also clearly not malicious. Chase Utley has a 15-year record of hard-nosed but principled play. His efforts helped a run score. He deserves the benefit of the doubt, of which there shouldn't be any.

The ump ruled Utley out on a force, but the replay demonstrated that Tejada, because of his awkward positioning, missed the bag. The anonymous replay umpire from behind the curtain in New York overruled the call but didn't propose interference.

No one seems to know what powers the Great Oz in New York has, but someone should have sent Utley off the field. Indeed, they should have ruled the batter out too, because the illegal slide prevented any attempt at turning two. That would have ended the inning and negated the run.

Then, to compound the mistakes, Joe Torre, now an MLB mucky-muck, suspended Utley for two critical games -- maybe the last two of L.A.'s season. That move implies that Utley committed a purposeful act and gave the Mets ammunition for their cries of "dirty play."

There is no evidence for this decision, but plenty to the contrary. The ump, the replay apparition and the suits all got it wrong. Utley and Howie Kendrick should have been out, the inning should have been over, the run shouldn't have scored. And Utley should have been in the on-deck circle preparing to bat against Matt Harvey in Game 3. Sadly, Tejada's leg is broken either way.

Let's hope the rulings don't have much impact on the outcome of the series.